"Often visited, rarely updated."

Saturday, February 9, 2013

I Want to Believe

It's not everyday I that I receive an official e-mail from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, let alone one from the anti-terrorist and monetary crimes division claiming they've ceased money being transferred to me. On any other day of the week I might be upset that money I'm apparently owed is being blocked, but it's a Saturday, and I feel bad for the poor chum in D.C. working on the weekend. 
We have been informed through our global intelligence monitoring network that the sum of $10.500, 000.00, has been released from a bank in Africa bearing your name as the beneficiary without dist certificate to clear your name and fund from every terrorist or drug or money laundering activities
While I'm not personally involved in any criminal activities, if this is my money, then I think Veruca Salt said it best, "I want it, I want it now!" However, I'm unclear as to how much money they're holding on to. Is it $10.5 million or 10 dollars and 50 cents? If it's only a sawbuck and change, then hell, they can keep it. It looks as though the Bureau could use the money to invest in a literacy test for whoever writes urgent notice e-mails for the agency. It's almost as if this person's first language isn't even English. I'm starting to get a sneaking suspicion that this might be scam.
based on our findings, our investigative department wish to warn you against some miscreants, hoodlums and touts who go about scamming innocent people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image of this wonderful country. By sending out fraudulent emails without our official logo and emblem we shall release your funds immediately we receive this legal document and we will ensure that you receive your payment without any further delay.
Those damn miscreants are always up to no good, filling up my spam folder with their penis enlargement pills and Nigerian scams. Sorry FBI, I refuse to send out fraudulent e-mails. So, no matter what, I will attach your official logo when I reply with my legal paperwork, because I don't want to become a scammer or a tout!
This e-mail, including any attachments, is covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 10 U.S.C. 2510-2521
Shit, I broke the FBI law, now I'm going to FBI jail.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Synergy: A Word That Induces Vomiting

In effort to branch out to "new" forms of social media, the Too Late Show has staked a claim in the Blogosphere and will soon be engulfed in the Twitterverse. The Too Late Show Blog will serve as an official companion piece, featuring many of the contributors who you know and love from the show.

While these and other 21st century buzz words are indeed nauseating, just remember, you're currently in Cyberspace riding on the Information Superhighway. Or in layman's terms, you're surfing the web.